Carrie Maldonado – Writer

Freelance writer, wordsmith, and novelist

My mission as a writer is to encourage and inspire others, but as a mom to three small children, a wife, and an entrepreneur for three business, sometimes things get overwhelming. I don’t know about you, but for me it’s like everything is going amazingly well, and I’m firing on all cylinders, and then BAM! the wheels start falling off. I’m usually an upbeat, laugh-in-the-face-of-pretty-much-everything kind of gal, which sometimes makes it difficult for me to admit when I’m not doing so well, or ask for help. Because I deal with pain by laughing at it, it’s hard for people to know when I’m actually not doing okay.

Yeah, sure, it would help if I told you. I get that, but I’ll be 45 in a couple weeks, so although I suppose there’s a mustard-seed-size grain of hope that I’ll get better at this, let’s just assume nope. But today I’m sharing about the down days because as someone who continually battles anxiety and perfectionism, who also wants to enjoy the stuffing out of life, I think it’s important to talk about this because a) it takes the power out of it and b) I know someone reading this is going to say ‘me too’ and it will help them knowing they’re not alone.

There are down days

Now, look. I am 100% aware that someday I will look back on this season of life wistfully, and remember when the kids were so small, and I was their everything, and I’ll wonder when I became redundant. I am aware that one day I’ll walk in the door and be met with silence and not a clamor of “MOMMY’S HOME” with pounding little feet racing to smother me in sticky kisses, sticky hugs, and sticky everything (because hello, twin boys). I KNOW the time passes too fast and I KNOW I should be enjoying every second. But.

I’m also an introvert who is abnormally sensitive to auditory stimulation (really, not joking about this part) and three kids yelling at/to me along with Dreamy (who talks REALLY loud because he’s getting a little deaf, has to shout for his job AND has to be heard above the littles) is physically painful to me.

And I’m not naming names but my life has been made a living HELL every single day for the past 6 weeks because one of my children has an abnormally high sensitivity to physical stimulation such as sock seams, sleeves, and pants, along with a lack of emotional maturity in dealing with their dissatisfaction, resulting in 45 minutes meltdowns at the top of their lungs. See the previous point for why this is problematic.

The boys are playing together so well lately, except for the inexplicable occurrences when #StopThatAiden will just walk up and take something from #NoBen for the fun of it, or they will decide to play “The Fighting Game” (which is exactly what it sounds like), which every single time erupts into shrieks, cries, and needs for banbans (bandaids).

There are down days

Anyone who’s ever started their own business knows that it’s a feast or famine cycle for about five years. Well, we are three years in and a feast would be great! We are living on faith and manna right now and although it’s been amazing for building my character and killing my unhealthy reliance on other people, places, and things for my emotional security, it also takes a lot of prayer and effort to stay in the present and enjoy the moment.

There are down days

I’ve had friends break up with me because I’m just not there for them (which is true) and I miss more playdates than I participate in because every spare second not spent with the kids is spent on work. I’m so glad I love my work. I love writing, I love consulting/coaching, and I love our gym, and I’m confidently believing in the success of all three. But man, it’s exhausting.

There are down days

Sometimes there are days when I just don’t feel like I have enough: Time, patience, creativity, energy…whatever ‘it’ is I need to get through the day, I don’t have it. Those are the days when if you ask how I’m doing, I’ll probably say ‘fine’ and rush away because if you’re nice to me I’ll just start crying because it’s SO HARD. Sometimes there are days when I’ll yell at the kids for doing stuff that’s not that bad; just kids being kids, and I’ll cry about that too because I feel so guilty and like I’ve ruined their psyches. Sometimes there are days when I’ve done everything I can to make socks okay and it doesn’t work and I have to drop off an emotionally overwrought child before they’re ready to be dropped off knowing they’re probably going to humiliate themselves, and all I can do is hope they are capable of pulling it together, but worry that they might not be. That maybe this is actually a ‘thing’ that won’t go away.

We all have down days. We all have things in the moment that are just hard, or ugly, or messy and there are also things that could happen tomorrow that are hard and ugly and messy. If we put all our problems in a big pile, I’d probably take mine back and you’d take yours, but it doesn’t make it easier. What does make it easier is talking about it, remembering that this too shall pass, and that everything will be okay. Even it’s not okay, it will still be okay.

Because, there are up days, too.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this blog, please share the love, and let’s connect on Pinterest, Twitter, or Facebook!

PS I’ve written, 10 tips on dealing with multiple (conflicting) priorities. If you’d like a free copy, just click here!

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: