Carrie Maldonado – Writer

Freelance writer, wordsmith, and novelist

Dear Santa,

I realize it’s only been a short while since I wrote to you, asking for a book deal, a decent night’s sleep, and no more diapers to change. And all I can say is Man, you’re good!  I mean, to get a contract from a real, actual publisher was completely, blow-my-mind, over-the-top amazing! I sincerely mean that and am very excited to share more about that in days to come. It’s almost enough to make up for the fact that we still have diapers in our life and I’m still getting a not-so-little girl creeping in to visit every night. So thank you, thank you, thank you!! And, if you don’t mind, I could use some advice.

You see, this is our first Christmas where the kids are cognizant of the fact that they are a) getting gifts, b) giving gifts and c) getting different gifts than their siblings are getting. I have tried to prepare for this by giving them frequent little talks about how if someone gets a present, it’s not okay to take that present from the person before they get a chance to play with it. And how it’s important to say thank you when you get a gift. And if you get a gift you don’t like, or already have, you say thank you. ONLY thank you. Any other commentary can and should wait for another time.

I really thought I’d thought of everything, and it did bring a little tear to my eye to see how proudly the kids gave their gifts to their preschool teachers and when Bisky wanted to bring a present for you when we came to see you at the mall yesterday ‘because Santa loves me’.  And about that, #StopThatAiden would like you to know that he actually, despite all appearances, does like you. He is just not a big fan of sitting on laps of people who are not Mammy at this stage. I know you don’t take it personally. As I’m sure your elves didn’t take personally Bisky’s warning not to look at her ‘privates’  (because she was wearing a dress, although also shorts so I’m not sure the concern). And actually, I’m not really going to apologize for that, because I think it’s probably a good working policy on her part. I think we were all surprised that #NoBen was the model visitor, and no damage was done or tears were shed by him.

However their behavior during the visit, my concern remains about the complete lack of sharing spirit and decorum surrounding the receiving of gifts. As you know, we had ‘early’ Christmas with Grandma and Grandpa yesterday, and collectively the kids received a Peppa Pig Deluxe House, Camper Van, School Bus (three items by design, there being three children) AND a veritable army of pig family members. We all foolishly thought that abundance would eliminate a competition for resources.

I’m not sure when the pigs became weapons and I certainly hope that no one would have ACTUALLY smashed the camper van into his sibling’s skull if not stopped, but all it taught me was that the more they have, the more there is to fight over. I really think the joy of giving much sought-after gifts is more for me and Dreamy than actually for the kids. After all, as soon as I’d purchased (errrr…help YOU purchase, Santa) pretty much everything on the Christmas lists, there were additions of things I would have been happy to get if they would have asked TWO WEEKS AGO.

At this point, I am really, seriously, tempted to donate the bounty and give them a piece of paper and a broken crayon. And I don’t mean a piece of paper for each of them. I mean ONE piece of paper, because they will all want the piece the other one has if I splurge on three pieces. I will just give them ONE piece of paper and then tear it into three sections (hopefully equal down to the millimetre or it defeats the purpose).

I actually know this would end up better and less frustrating than endless screaming and fighting….and yet, I probably won’t do it. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I’m more a product of my environment than I would like to think and sold out at a cellular level to the commercialism of the season. Maybe I just love giving my kids stuff even when they don’t appreciate it longer than  4.5 seconds.

But all that aside…someone wants to publish my book so it really is the best Christmas EVER (well the second best…the first one was definitely THE best).  Keep up the good work, Santa, and say hi to Mrs. Claus and reindeers!


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