I just looked at the calendar and realized that in less than a month, I will have three kids in preschool! This doesn’t even seem possible. Now mind you, it’s only a few hours a couple times a week, but next year, Bisky will be in Kindergarten all day, every day. I honestly don’t know how I feel about this. Every mom/stepmom/mom-figure with kids who aren’t babies anymore has gone through this phenomenon of kids taking FOREVER to grow up and yet it still happening in a millisecond.
For me, being a Mom is the hardest job in the world that you never actually get to stay good at. How can you? By the time you master one phase the little suckers grow up and you start all over again with something else you know nothing about. That’s probably why people have more than one kid and/or go around giving advice all the time; it’s the only way to actually USE all this information that is so hard-earned and then irrelevant as soon as you actually become an expert.
For the last four years it felt like the sum total of parenting had to do with swaddlers and bottles and strollers and toddling around a very small area and darned if I didn’t get pretty good at this part. Now there’s kindergarten, and other kids, and activities that might actually turn into a ‘thing’ (as in lifelong passion that I will also need to care about).
It’s a very weird sensation to know that we will soon leave stroller days behind us forever and that everything that is our whole world right now will just be a little blip and maybe not even a memory. I definitely don’t feel prepared and I’m not sure I’ve prepared them well enough either. For the last two years we’ve had revolving au pairs and only just reached a stable and healthy solution, and even though I don’t work out of the home, I do work a lot and wonder if I’ve given them their best chance. I vacillate constantly between whether the solution I’ve chosen for this season is the best or worst of all worlds and if they need much more of me or (more likely) much less.
But the thing about kids is they grow up and turn into pretty awesome little people almost in spite of their parent. For example, lately, Bisky has been objecting to being interrupted and disrespected. I don’t mean in a bratty, entitled way (although I’m not saying that’s not an issue either) but in the way that any human being might. One day last week, she was holding something and I grabbed it away from her for some reason and she said “Mommy, it’s not very nice to just snatch things from people.” And it was so weird to be having this conversation with this little embryo who’s grown up so fast and now even knows that she’s a ‘people’. Crazy!
And don’t even get me started on the boys! I decided from the get go that I’d do my best to treat them as individuals and not as ‘the twins’ but whether that was my intention or not, they wouldn’t have it any other way. Yes, they do choose to sleep together every night and they get along really well now, but they are already developing strong preferences. #NoBen can always be counted on to help me with my baking and with chores and Aiden is extremely independent and perfectly happy to be left alone (as long as Peppa the Pig is playing on some sort of device). When I spend time with all three of them and realize that they are just starting to live their own stories that THEY are the star of (not me) it is very humbling.
I don’t think I’d ever tell anyone to ‘enjoy every second’ because that’s just dumb…so much of the first couple years just suck. But they sure are over fast and in the blink of an eye you will never again need to know stroller specs or high chair options or even car seat stuff. It’s hard to believe when that’s ALL that life consists of but yes, this too SHALL pass. Who knew?