Carrie Maldonado – Writer

Freelance writer, wordsmith, and novelist

So the time has come for our (now) annual family camping vacation. And by ‘family camping vacation’, I mean two nights (tops) in as big a cabin as we can afford with the sole intent of keeping Frick and Frack alive and ourselves sane. I’m not sure this can be accomplished this year. Not the alive thing. I’m pretty sure we can manage that, but I’m not sure I’m up to the sanity challenge.

Last year Dreamy and I took the kids to Mount Ranier for a couple days. I was actually voting for just one day but Dreamy optimistically booked two nights, believing the entire foray would be enjoyable. There were some good things about the trip:

  • Nobody died
  • Nobody got poison ivy
  • Nobody fell off a cliff


At that time, #NoBen was still not the best traveler. By ‘not the best traveler’, I mean that he would start shrieking like his limbs were being severed the second he was put into his car seat until he was removed. No matter what. This made a 2.5 hour drive a little wearying. The cabin was pretty rustic with 1 room and no kitchen but two beds. Bisky declared immediately that she loved it, but as soon as it was bed time she decided she wanted to go home and sleep in her own bed. Immediately. About the time she finally cried herself to sleep, #NoBen got restless. I think he was up for good at about 4:00 am at which point Dreamy got all flustered and hostile and said we were going home. Although cheering inside, I put up a token fight and after some coffee and a walk in the admittedly beautiful surroundings, we decided to give it one more shot.

There were a ton of forest fires at the time, so the air wasn’t exactly super breathable and Bisky tripped and fell on the log bridge but luckily never fell OFF the bridge. We found a playground in town where everyone was happy to hang out in the post-apocalyptic haze. We arrived home only to find out that our au pair was going back home immediately due to a series of unfortunate events that led to about an 8-month shit-show of child care stress.

So naturally, we decided to make it an annual event. On the positive, #NoBen is a bit better traveler now. To balance it out, PeeWa has turned into a complete little a-hole and is walking around screaming at everyone at the top of his lungs for absolutely no reason. Seriously…he just stands there and goes “RAAAAWWWWRRRRRR” and laughs.  Followed by the ever-popular pinching and then hitting his siblings with whatever object he can find. The other two react to this by calmly walking away from him and finding something else to do. BAHAHAHAHA…right. No, they respond by screaming like a wounded wildebeest (#NoBen) or whining in the most swear-to-God-I’m-gonna-jam-chopsticks-in-my-ears-if-only-I-could-find-ANYTHING-in-this-F’ing-pigsty-of-a-house annoying way possible (Dreamy…just kidding).

But by all accounts this is a safer location with flat, kid-friendly terrain and a lot of trails to explore. We ARE bringing leashes for Frick and Frack because…twin toddler boys. We found out yesterday that it’s going to be raining the whole time we’re there, too, and there’s no wireless or cell service. So there’s that. Good thing I don’t have PMS or anything because THAT would suck donkey balls, now wouldn’t it??!?!?!?!?

All this to say that there is a part of me that knows this will be probably a pretty cool and fun trip and I hope the raging, hostile and completely irritated other side of me doesn’t bludgeon that Pollyanna to death before we even start because I am really hoping to have good things to report next week. At least I hope no one will steal/borrow our car this year!

2 thoughts on “Here we go again…

  1. Lisa Di Giovanna says:

    Wow! um,… Maybe you’ll see a deer.

    LISA >

  2. Peggy Weatherspoon says:

    Donkey balls? You rock!!!

    Sent from my iPhone


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