Carrie Maldonado – Writer

Freelance writer, wordsmith, and novelist


A long time ago, when I all I had to do was keep myself alive and employed, I used to think that if I ever had kids it would be a little boring, but easy and relaxing. And yes, I do laugh now when I think of it, but I honestly had no idea. As a Consulting From Home Mommy (CFHM for the uninitiated) I’m home with my kids sometimes and also working and I’m pretty sure from what I’ve seen that full time Momming is probably even harder than what is admittedly pretty tough sometimes. Whether you work full time outside the home, part time or not at all, the fact is that being responsible for the lives and mental, spiritual and emotional well-being of tiny little tyrants tests us like nothing else. Sometimes I only half-jokingly talk about the therapy savings account we should be starting for the kids. There are the other times, too, when I know that we’re making a memory that will shape their lives for the better and it’s a pretty awesome feeling.

The nice thing is that as hard as it usually is to make sure everyone stays alive and intact all day long, we do get super powers to help us. I’ve heard that when you lose one sense the others get stronger. I, for one, have lost the power of being on time but now have supersonic hearing, and can wake up from a deep slumber if a baby sniffles at the opposite end of the house. I also have developed super-cryniosity…which means I now cry at every movie trailer, commercial and youtube video that talks about babies or sick kids, or sick babies, or sick moms, or healthy moms and babies, or any combination. I’m not sure the benefit of this power, but I got it. I also got the power to withstand exposure to bodily fluids without puking. I can wipe poop, vomit, snot, you name it without batting an eye. That’s got to come in handy during a zombie apocalypse, or even just co-op preschool.

One of the better powers I received is the power of notgivingacrapness. This is actually a very useful superpower, because the benefit is a lightness of being and serenity that all the self-help books in the world couldn’t give me. I’ll show you how it works…I don’t give a crap if my belly is the squishiness of playdoh, because it stretched out to hold twins to 38 weeks and that’s pretty awesome. I also don’t give a crap if I don’t look perfect when I leave the house, or if I don’t have a million dollars in the bank or if people I don’t know or like don’t like me.  My priorities just shifted somewhere along the way and it feels like a superpower not to be enslaved by those things anymore. Oh yeah, speaking of…I also got one teaspoon of patience and tolerance, which is infinitely more than I had before when it comes to dealing with other people and other people’s kids.

My daughter is convinced she has super powers, and I’m not sure I disagree with her. I love how kids are so happily the center of their own universes and it definitely makes for some hilarious observations. For example, about a month and a half ago, I was telling Bisky about the upcoming Easter festivities (she is like me in that things go much better if I allow her to mentally prepare herself. Neither of us are the types of people who should be given a surprise party. Ever.) Anyway, one of the things we do is leave a little trail of eggs from the kids’ doors to their Easter gifts, and little baskets to collect the eggs. Because she has no respect for my space, she raided my closet and stole the Easter baskets a few weeks before Easter. I know this because I found them stacked in her closet. Rather than make a big deal of it, I just took them back and hid them better in MY closet again.

So anyway, I’m explaining the drill to Bisky and trying to prepare her for the fact that the twins probably won’t do things right and we’re going to be patient with them. She thinks about this. “Okay Mommy. But the baskets are in my closet. I’m hiding them from the babies so they don’t wreck them. And guess what? I have invisible powers, because the baskets turned invisible!” I agreed that it was good to save things from the babies, and didn’t really have the heart to tell her that she didn’t have invisible powers, just no baskets.

That constantly differing perspective is one of the more delightful gifts of motherhood. They are always doing things that help me think of life in different ways. Like the concept of time.  Because of the bunny trails and the promise of unlimited candy, Bisky had been eagerly awaiting Easter with maybe even more excitement than her birthday. For a while we just told her it was in a few months. Then it was a few weeks. But when it was ‘next’ week, it blew her mind. “How come it keeps moving?” She asked. “What?” “Easter. You said it was next month, and then in two weeks and now it’s in one week. How come it keeps moving?” That was wild for me. I just picture myself moving through life and into events, traveling a cosmic road. It never occurred to me to picture myself staying still as events moved into me. It feels like it might be profound, but I’m honestly too busy and sleep deprived to analyze it further.

All in all, the effect these people have had on my life is nothing short of miraculous. But powers of invisibility would also be pretty darn cool.

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