Carrie Maldonado – Writer

Freelance writer, wordsmith, and novelist

As I may have stated at one point, or should have, my intent with this blog is to write about my many adventures trying to ‘balance’ motherhood with my career (which at the moment is a dual-entrepreneurship…HR Consultant and Fitness Phenomenon and hopefully one day a bestselling author) WITH a marriage that lasts AND my spiritual walk. Usually, I fall far short of that because, duh, I’m too busy.

I find my abundant life survivable mostly because of my ability to laugh at pretty much anything. This does not always serve me well and especially with people who tend to suffer from my former disease of taking myself too seriously. But for the most part I can find some humor in most things.

Take for example early last week, when I thought I could finish off the polishing touches on a resume while all three kids were in my room. I turned my back for not more than fourteen seconds – I SWEAR – only to hear Ben say “Uh oh”. Now, usually Aiden says this so to hear it from Ben struck terror into my heart. I spun around to find his head positively SLATHERED with butt paste. For those of you unfamiliar with the term it is not (as a beloved family member asked) an American term for poop. It is a waterproof, cod liver oil and zinc based concoction you put on a baby’s butt to protect from diaper rash.

After Ben coated all his hair and found he still had paste (because hey, twins, we buy everything in large quantities) he decided to decorate Aiden. (note: You will notice I am referring to twin A as Aiden. After nearly two years of campaigning to rename him Adam, I am giving up. Mostly because my ex-husband just had a baby and named him Adam and now it just seems competitive and weird).

Anyway, Ben was busily painting AIDEN when I caught them. Now, as I confided to a friend, I admittedly could have mitigated most of the damage to Aiden by intervening in a timely manner rather than stopping to take pictures and laugh hysterically. However, in my defense, I had no idea that Butt Paste, once applied to hair, would NEVER freaking come out.  Ever.  I also learned that people will be irresistibly compelled to give suggestions.  Here are some:

  • Vinegar/Lemon Juice/Baking Soda – tried it, only kinda worked
  • Dawn detergent – Actually kind of worked
  • Peanut Butter – Sorry, it is too delicious to waste
  • Poop – didn’t try it, but in my defense, it does wash away the butt paste
  • Coca Cola – because ‘it can eat the rust off a nail’. I figured diet pepsi would probably dissolve his skin so abstained.

Here is what I learned from this:

  • Don’t turn your back on Ben.
  • When Ben says ‘Oh No’…Listen.
  • If you have a good baby name, use it while you can because you probably won’t get to rename your kid later.
  • Sometimes the people with the worst ideas are most persistent…explains a lot of things in existence today.

It was also a week filled with flu, illness and an unplanned visit to the emergency center with Bisky. We are all fine, rest assured. More on that another time but at the moment I am filled with gratitude for good health and the kindness of other people, which has really kept me going. You know who you are, I hope!



2 thoughts on “How do you get butt paste out of hair and other things I never thought I’d need to know

  1. Peggy Weatherspoon says:

    This is hilarious did you get it out???

    Sent from my iPhone


    1. Yes…a combination of vinegar, lemon juice, baking soda, baby shampoo, dawn soap and probably most importantly…time!

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