So I think I’ve entered into a massive identity crisis. I used to laugh about the fact that I needed 4 different lives to live all the different things I wanted to do. Maybe it’s because I’m third-aged (as opposed to middle aged, seeing as how I plan to live to 120) but it’s dawning on me that it is becoming more and more difficult to accomplish all the things I want to in life. I’m not talking about doing the laundry versus getting the car washed. I’m talking stay at home mom, work from home mom, career woman, bestselling novelist, executive coach and entrepreneur. I was at lunch with someone last week and he offended me terribly by suggesting I was unfocused. “I’m totally focused,” I railed to my husband afterwards. “I’m just focused on a whole bunch of different things!” That statement actually still makes sense to me, too, so there, Guy Who Called Me Unfocused.
There was a time in my life where all the different focuses represented a lack of follow through and commitment but I really don’t think that’s the case now. It’s more a matter of having undergone so many major and radical life changes in the last ten years that I honestly am not sure my life goals have caught up! Not to mention the annoying and ridiculous need for money in this stupid culture, which is messing up all my life plans – ugh. I actually got in a bit of a funk about it last week and bemoaned to my best friend/lover/husband “I don’t even know who I am anymore,” to which he replied, “Sure you do. You’re a Mom!” (Incidentally, if you are the best friend/lover/husband of a woman who says this, that is about the worst answer on the planet. Just sayin’). The funk deepened to a place of “Oh, what’s the point?”
Fortunately, I was reminded by a solid and inspirational group of compatriots that there is a point, and that point is to continue to make spiritual progress without expecting perfection. Sigh. That was such a huge weight off my shoulders and a great reminder that all the other ‘stuff’ I’m worried about achieving is, really, just stuff. It’s progress for me to just be in the moment, trust I’m right where I’m supposed to be, and be as nice a person as I can in the midst of that. On that note, I was talking to Grace in the car today about how to measure people. She informed me that she was six units and I was 96 bigs. That lead to an (admittedly one-sided) discussion about different ways we measure people…how tall they are, how old they are, how heavy they are and I was inspired to tell her what’s really important is how honest they are, how kind they are and how much they keep trying. Of course, by that point she was over it and wanted me to sing the Popsicle song instead, but I felt I had experienced quite a profound moment.
And finally, pancakes. I don’t write the kind of books where there is a lot of cooking, or recipes (which is kind of weird, because I just love baking) but I’m rethinking that, because I’m having so much fun right now inventing things. Lately, Grace and I have been on a pancake tear. I make the batter with her help, and she decides what else to put in. I have to say, hands down, that fresh raspberries were the absolute best! If you’ve never done this, you have to try. If you want my pancake recipe, let me know. You can’t have Grace to put in the eggs, but I’m sure you’ll manage just fine! PS…today’s picture? Completely irrelevant to the topics, but Grace spontaneously walked in my ‘office’ today in that costume. Maybe THAT is the point!