Carrie Maldonado – Writer

Freelance writer, wordsmith, and novelist

DanceCwass Upside Down Biscuit Closet BiscuitSo my three year old, Grace, is a riot. I’m pretty sure she’s exceptionally gifted (except in one area, which to save her dignity I’ll refrain from mentioning). She doesn’t get out a lot other than ‘Dance Cwass’ because of the twins ruining her childhood and life and all, so to compensate she has developed a cast of imaginary friends to rival a Broadway troupe. There is Allia, Ms. Amy (coincidentally her dance teacher’s name) Clown (who speaks in a low voice and is NOT loved by Gabi), Mr. Chicken (named after the dancing Christmas turkey who lives on top of the fridge because he’s freaking annoying), Bucky (a pirate), Mr. Wall (the wall), the doggie (doesn’t talk but will lick your arm if you’re not careful), the baby (who just seems to fake cry…I wish we could keep the baby with Mr. Chicken but that’s probably wrong), and today the dragon, who just roars. I happened to overhear a lively conversation yesterday in which Allia and Clown were talking with Grace about whether I would let Grace have goldfish for breakfast (the crackers, not the actual fish). It was a very detailed conversation, in which everyone was represented in their own voice. Allia convinced Grace that Mommy would hand over the goods if Grace said please. When Clown concurred, G turned to me as though I had not been privy to the whole exchange and asked very politely for the crackers. How can you not love this kid? (Please, PLEASE let the personalities merge before kindergarten starts, though!)

I have not featured kids in any of my books, because, well, I’ve never had any nor been around them. If I would have had them, they wouldn’t have been nearly as interesting as my real life daughter (and company) and I probably would have been accused of developing unrealistic characters, which is also pretty funny.

The thing about my kid though, is that while she is a born ham, she will NOT perform on demand. Now, this is a girl who will stand in the living room wearing only diapers and high heeled shoes holding a maraca upside down booming “ARE YOU READY FOR THE SHOW?” But just try to take a picture after her new haircut! So, when I thought it would be fun to interview Grace for my blog. I should have known better. So I bring you, the most boring interview ever:

Mommy: Hi Grace
Grace: Hi
Me: Can I interview you?
G: Yes
Me: What’s your name?
G: Grace
Me; How old are you?
G: 3
Me; What’s your favorite thing to do?
G: Have a birthday
Me; What’s the best thing about birthdays
G: (no response)
Me; How many brothers do you have?
G: (no response)
Me: Do you like being a big sister?
G: No
Me: (Realizing this is not even holding our interest so probably best to discontinue.) Want some goldfish?
End of interview (and my investigative journalist career)

2 thoughts on “Cute things kids don’t say

  1. Lisa Di Giovanna says:

    Hahaha! Delightful. It occurs to me that for Grace, Jesus may just be other cast member at this point.

    Lisa Di Giovanna iPhone


  2. Mindy says:

    Adorable!!!! With that cast you should write a children’s book. So cute!!!!!! Mindy

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