I have been living in a pretty awesome bubble for the last three months. It started with an in depth examination of what I’ve jokingly called my life motto “I believe, help my unbelief.” In case you don’t know, that is found in the Bible (Mark 9:24) and basically this guy wants Jesus to heal his kid and Jesus says anything is possible if you believe and the guys says “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.” The first time I read that I could so completely relate! A good example is when people would pray for me to be healed. While they were praying, all I could think of was how I didn’t want to hurt their feelings when it didn’t work and what would I tell them.
What I learned throughout this journey was that you can believe and have unbelief at the same time. The extent of your unbelief is what determines your experience. We get a choice all the time to believe in miracles or to believe in what the evidence around us seems to say. Anyone who has ever had a misunderstanding knows how easy it is to KNOW something that just isn’t true. A lot of our unbelief comes from believing the media, or ‘science’, or just accepting that our problems are bigger than our God. I have found myself in circumstances lately where my problems could be described as pretty significant and I’ve been so fortunate that because of my studying on unbelief I’ve been safely ensconced in a ‘bubble’ of serenity, whereby I just know that everything is going to work out in my favor, even though I have no idea how or what it will look like in the end. (In fact, the only thing I am relatively certain about is that it won’t look like what I think it should today)
There are people I know who are extremely bothered by this attitude. They are nice people who mean well, but it completely offends their sense of reality that I can be in perilous circumstances and not be in fear. I am certainly not in inaction, but I have observed about myself that when I do get into fear, what looks like action is actually just frantic-ness and often a waste of time and energy. Trustfully waiting and taking appropriate action is always more fruitful.
I didn’t know how much I enjoyed the bubble until I fell out for a few hours. That was miserable. Every stinking fear of what could happen, or what was wrong with me pressed in and suffocated me. It was truly awful. I had the awareness that I used to feel like that all the time. Truth is, my circumstances are the same whether I’m in my bubble or outside of it and as for me, I’ll take the bubble. One of the things that happen when I fall out of my bubble is a conviction that everything I want to do will fail. My dreams will never come true. This encompasses my writing, my career, my parenting, my ability to be a good spouse. Needless to say, life outside the bubble sucks.
Now, it may be that some of my dreams won’t come true. It is very possible to have bad dreams! I have absolutely been known in the past to want things that didn’t make me happy and also to feel very despondent when I didn’t get those same things. This is hard to accept sometimes, but acceptance is the key to serenity, after all. So I can evaluate my dreams, re-evaluate and keep trying when it seems appropriate. All of these things keep me in the bubble and usually lead me to further productive action. For example, I have FINALLY started a long awaited re-write on Broken Warriors after some excellent feedback. Not only is the tone and style getting an overhaul, there will be some secret clues inserted to help us understand Max and his sister Annie better when we re-encounter them in the next novel I’m working on.